"Different...Not Less!"

This is happy Stephen. I know it may be obvious to some, but, for some time it was not clear to Stephen. Stephen has autism. Stephen is incredibly smart, his siblings can attest to that, his mind works diferently than others. He is different than his siblings, than other children, and even different than his parents. Of course, everyone is different. God, in his goodness created everyone unique, and precious. We are not all the same because each one has a soul that is individual and distinct. Yet most of us can process information similarly and respond to stimuli in the same way, that is how our brains were designed. Stephen cannot. He cannot read people's emotions like most other children, his senses are highly intensified so even the slightest smell or sound can be painful and bothersome for Stephen and that is not the case for other children. These skills make Stephen different than others.
Our family recently watched the "Temple Grandin" movie about a woman who has autism.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG6UI5BmhuA

She is brilliant but she processes the world differently than most people. She learned growing up that she was "different, not less." And, this was during a time that autistic children were institutionalized with possible shock treatment, something we all know to be archaic and cruel today. She did not overcome her differences she incorporated them into her world and informed others who wanted to interact with her about her world. Stephen's uniqueness is not obvious to most, not like Claire whose disability can be seen because she uses a wheel chair and sadly she will receive stares as a result. For Stephen, he is has no physical handicaps but if he is in a social situation he may repeat a movie, speak very loudly and hum to himself which eventually causes stares and frustrations from others who do not understand his ways of managing his surroundings. Once someone begins to talk with Stephen they are more than aware of his limitations we put them at ease by explaining his gift of autism. Some believe that we should not draw attention to the label and allow everyone to treat Stephen as if his uniqueness were not an issue. But, I believe, and am now affirmed in that belief after watching the movie, that to allow people to understand the genius of God and the wonderful capabilities of those who are different we need to proclaim his gifts, to educate and to help others feel comfortable around those who have "special needs." Of course, this is not a license for pity or acceptions. Rather, Stephen is still required to participate in his family and the world and he is expected to demonstrate the proper manners, respect and reverence he should have for God, for himself, for family and humanity. After watching the movie the Murrays were all in awe over the similarities of Temple Grandin and their brother, however even given their autism they are still different, just not less.
Each of us has been given a unique opportunity to allow others to benefit from our presence. Certainly, those in my own circle may benefit because they have to put up with me and it is their own personal purgatory, I think of my husband of course, but mostly I benefit from those God has entrusted to my care. Stephen and Claire certainly have caused us all to limit our selfishenss, to start looking outside of ourselves and enabled us to grow in self giving. Isn't that why we are all here?
I highly recommend the movie to anyone who spends time with the Murray's and expecially with Stephen, or even around other children and people with autism. Stephen is a great kid, and we are so thankful to God!!

Searching for and Maintaining Peace?

Yes, that is the question.  School is in full swing, it has been over a month since we began, and with seven currently enrolled in elementary, high school or kindergarten there is alot of activity and not much peace.  With the Fall season brings lots of activities for the children as well as the ongoing doctor's appt's., physical therapy and occupational therapy for Claire.  Peace?  Got Peace?
This chaos, however, is one I certainly can appreciate because it does not include hospital stays, surgeries, and added worry and concerns. (Claire continues to do well thanks to the prayer warriors out there - Thank you!!)
I would like to mention another book I recently completed and it assisted in helping me find peace. And as I finish some good books I do hope to mention the MurrayClan12 book club, which I hope will be a better club to belong to than that of Oprah's, and may be a better compass toward holiness, you can be the judge.  The book has to do with finding peace among chaos - especially the world we live in.
I was told about the book in spiritual direction, (I will allow your imagination to go there regarding my confession and the need for a book about peace) and after ordering and reading it I have found it to be very helpful.  I tend to worry alot, see the glass half full, and lose hope.  This book was truly a benefit.
"Our search for God, our saintliness, and our efforts to love and serve our neighbors are also frequently fraught with agitation and anxiety instead of being full of confidence and peace, as they should be if we were to find ourselves imbued with the attitude of small children, as the Gospels command us to."  This quote is from the book Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Fr. Jacques Phillipe.
The book is a quick read, it is only 110 pages but it outlines so clearly Interior peace, how to respond to situations which cause us to lose peace, as well as the wonderful Saints who have discovered ways in which they were able to find peace.  Saints struggle with finding peace as well.
The book opens up with a very crucial and pivotal Gospel passage from John 15: 5: "Apart from Me, you can do nothing."  I have heard this often, but it truly had an impact on me when I discovered that Our Lord does not say without Me you can so some things, or a few things.  No.  Without Christ we can do NOTHING.  Including finding peace, teaching children, serving others, and being a good wife and mother.
May our Lord grant you His peace, and if you need some help you can certainly look for some answers in the book.
Peace!!

Only through Jesus will we find the meaning of all that is human.

"It is part of the mystery of the human person, which is only
explained in Jesus Christ, the one who reveals to the human person his or her identity. Only through Jesus Christ will we find the meaning of all that
is human." John Paul II
Matthew, our eldest son, entered St. Patrick's seminary August 21, 2010. He will spend two years in pre-theology and another 5 yrs. preparing for the priesthood. This is Matthew's call. Although Joe and I are very proud of him, in no way could we decide his vocation for him.
The week before Matthew left for the seminary, Joe and I let him know that if he ever felt that this was not the will of God we would support him and never push him into a vocation in which he did not feel called.
Matthew immediately reassured us that he never felt "pushed" by us into the priesthood. He explained that he had never felt at peace while at school discerning his profession and worrying about what his niche was in the world. Today, after accepting the call, Matthew told us he feels confident he is doing the will of Christ and he desires to serve Christ through His Church. Now he no longer doubts his path, and Matthew is sure of the meaning of his identity.
These young seminarians need your prayers. They have chosen a path, a
narrow road, "in the midst of a painful attack on the priesthood and the
Church. Because of the terrible sins of a very few priests, the goodness and sacrifice of so many priests has been ignored." Fr. Mariusz Koch, CFR
To be a Catholic today, let alone a priest of the Catholic church is counter-cultural. It is a challenge, it can only be explained by the cross, by picking up that cross and following Him - Jesus Christ. This is the theology of courage, of white martyrdom, of HOPE!
Thank you all so much for your prayers. Please keep Matthew in your daily prayers for priests. Please keep St. Patrick's Seminary and all of the seminarians in your prayers! May God continue to bless the Church with young men who desire to serve our Lord in His Church and will soon begin to live as an "alter Christus."
God Bless you and thank you!!!

Computer trouble...

Yes, the trouble with computers is... you can't live with them and can't live without them.  And, if your computer is down - you are without.  It can be a positive experience because there is more time to do other things, but if you don't have the computer because it has crashed or broken there is an increased sense of fear given the material that may be lost from your computer.  In times like these, when my computer is down it is time to realize that all things are a gift -  including broken things.  It just may be a time to pray more, reflect more and be more thankful.  Soooo, until it can be repaired, I have had to borrow one in order to update this, I will thinking be about things to write and update on the family.
Thank you for your patience and prayers!!!

A Murray Vacation

It is not often the Murray clan goes on vacation.  There are many things to prepare, to worry about and situations to handle.  Yet, for the first time in a long time the Murray's had the opportunity (through the kindness of Joe's parents who allowed us to use their time share in Tahoe for a few days) to spend in beautiful Lake Tahoe during August.  It was much fun for everyone.  The older children, Matthew, Sheila, Kieran and Claire, were a big help given that it is alot of work, they were great sports and enjoyed being and playing with their younger siblings. We all certainly enjoyed our last vacation as a family for a long time.  As you can tell by the pictures, the lake was a big hit.  I have not been able to be there for a few years, and it is so gorgeous that it takes your breath away and truly gives glory to God for His creation.
Amazingly, Stephen took right to the beach and the water and it was hard to take him away.  Everyone, especially Fulton, Michael, Thomas and Joseph, enjoyed the pool as well.  We took long walks, went to Reno to visit the Cathedral, and spent time talking and laughing.  We had a wonderful trip and enjoyed our time together tremendously.  Thank you Bill and Mary Lou for generously offering your stay to us this year.  You are in our prayers.  We love you and miss you.
Love the Murray Clan

Marriage Blessings!

Thank you Ralph and Brigitte Desimone for all of your kindness, patience and generosity.  Our family has truly benefited from all of the help you have provided for our family with everything from schooling to marriage training.  The Diocese of Oakland is truly blessed to have a wonderful dedicated couple devote over 30 yrs. of experience to nurture and prepare marriages.  At this pivotal time in our country when marriage is under attack and decay your perseverance in the fight is truly heroic.  May God continue to bless your work.  Thank you again for all you do!  Joe and I highly recommend your workshops and training sessions and we do pray that your work continues to bear fruit in the future.
God Bless you both!

We received a meal the other day...

Claire has been home for almost a week; and each time she comes home from the hospital she suffers for a few days adjusting to medications so that her system becomes familiar with the changes from the hospital.  As we all try to help and allow her to rest, other minor details follow by the wayside...like eating meals.  About mid day last week I tried to figure out what to do for dinner, I was unsure of where Claire would be given her struggles with pain and headaches. I hoped and prayed we could get something together rather than stress out about it.  This prayer led the kind Figueroa family to our home and they brought us a very delicious meal complete with a salad and dessert.  What a big hit it was for all of the family, and how very timely and appreciated it was by me.  We are so very grateful to the Figueroa family for their generosity as well as the daily prayers that they mentioned they say on Claire's behalf.  As I have written before, the prayers, masses and rosaries said for Claire and our family is what continues to sustain the Murray's.  I am positive that without these graces from heaven we would be unable to make it together and with the peace we attempt to maintain in our hearts and home.  The Figueroa's kindness can not adequately be thanked in material form, still our prayers for them as well as the treasures received in heaven will most likely surpass any thank you card or phone call we could offer.
Thank you again for your prayers, and may God Bless you for your generosity.

Congratulations Kieran, Thomas, and Joseph!!!

After alot of hard work the Kenpo boys: Kieran, Thomas and Joseph progress to the next belt.  Kieran actually skipped a level and progressed onto an orange belt while Thomas and Joseph earned their orange and white belt.  Both Joe and I are so very proud of the them given their dedication and hard work.  Each of them practices daily and they are striving to go as far as they can in the school.  They have all worked very hard and their hard work has certainly paid off.
Good Work Boys!!

Claire is in the hospital.

Yes, Claire has returned to the hospital when earlier this week she developed a fever, a blood infection, and began having weakness in her arms.  As a result, we went to the emergency room where she was admitted to treat her infection and undergo an MRI in order to check the brain and spine.  Now she is feeling much better after a week of antibiotics and rest. The MRI results indicate that there is build up in the spine and she may need to have another surgery in the near future.  Since it is the summer, many doctors and surgeons are on vacation including Claire's nuerosurgeon and other nurses who have been so helpful in caring for Claire.
So we wait and we pray.  Claire would love to be home and able to enjoy her summer, but she is becoming very familiar with the pattern of her last year.  She is also very frustrated and upset about her return, but she has accomplished a peace that accompanies her to the hospital and she offers her suffering for those in need especially her family, friends, and priests we know and love.
I want to thank all of our family and friends who have been so supportive and loving.  Both Joe's parents and sister as well as my parents and siblings have been so generous and supportive and we are truly indebted to them.  Be assured of our prayers and love for you and thank you so much for your prayers and love.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph pray for us!

What a Big boy!!

John Mary is now 7 1/2 months old and over 22 pounds He is starting to crawl and scoot around in his walker. All the members of the Murray clan have commented that John Mary is not a cuddly baby, not like Fulton or Joseph. John loves to be moving, and if you are holding him it won't be for too long. He will allow it for a few minutes and then he wants to go on the floor and on the move. He is a hard little guy to keep up with. But we marvel at how fast he is growing and how much joy he brings to our family. What a cutie he is and what a precious gift!!

A time for humility

We have been home from Lourdes for over two months.  How very blessed we are!!!
Yes, we have had many moments of struggle, and many moments of blessings and grace.  For some it is not very obvious, but for me, after being able to examine the gifts I can thank God and His mother.
We have received so many blessings in many ways that are not seen.  At this time when it is truly a struggle financially for many people there are so many kind and generous folks that have helped us in our struggles.  Lately I have become mendicant, begging for things and asking for help.  Our family members have helped in so many ways with financial assistance or help caring for the children.  The Boy Scouts of America gave Kieran a scholarship to camp.  Sheila also received a scholarship to camp.  American Shaolin Kenpo has offered the three boys a scholarship to their martial arts class until the Charter School can pay during the school year. Claire also receives sewing lessons that we don't pay for because of her generous grandparents.
Asking for help is so demeaning. Instead, it is easier to pray and ask our Lord to help. We have also asked our Lady to intercede for us especially in Lourdes.  Because I felt that letting other people know that you are desperate and need their help was beneath me.  I want to do it myself.  I thought I didn't need anyone else's help.
In that case we could not have gone to Lourdes, or have the things we have now to live if we did not have help.  Again, I have learned that our Lord is helping us through the wonderful family and friends who are so generous.  If I do not accept their gifts I am denying the blessings given to us by God.  So many people want to help.  I should have let them long ago.  Pride has always been such a weakness for me, a weekly confession point, it is for so many of us as it has been since the fall.  We overcome pride with humility. 
We ask God for help, we pray to the saints to help.  Why not ask others for help? And give to others what you are able to give.  Accept the benefits of love and grace that come from God from those who He has put in your way and say "Thank you, and God Bless" to all. 
The Murray clan very much appreciates your prayers and kindness.  God Bless you!!

Bateman/Murray Cousins

The Batemans and Murrays have been able to spend the week together. It has been a wonderful week having all thirteen together playing, laughing, and of course some horse play. We all enjoyed our trip to Discovery Kingdom this was the highlight of the week, and we could not have been able to make it happen without the generosity of Uncle Tim and Aunt Diane. Thank you both very much!! You are the best!!!

Life is changed, not ended...

 

Jill Costello passed away on June 24th, 2010. She was surrounded by family and prepared for death by her mother who bathed her with Lourdes water before she died. Claire and I attended her funeral and were both stuck by the providence of God which allowed us to meet her just two months before on our pilgrimage to Lourdes. Jill had stage 4 Lung cancer, she was 22 yrs. old, never a smoker or around second hand smoke. At the funeral we heard of her many accomplishments and desire for success. During the funeral mass I love to hear the words of the priest as he leads us in prayer: "Life is changed, not ended." We are all here for a short amount of time, some sadly shorter than others, much of the time is made up of suffering. What we do with that suffering can make us better for it, or not. To be given the gift of faith is such a blessing we need to thank God for His gift of faith. To be able to practice that gift in this country is precious, we need to be thankful for our country, especially as we celebrate the 4th of July. To receive that gift of faith from our parents is eternal, we need to thank our parents for their gift to us of our faith.
It is at times of sorrow and joy that we can place into focus the gifts that are much more apparent when we are not clouded by the superficial. I truly enjoy being present at a funeral mass , even given the sorrow and the loss of a loved one. It is then that we see our precious, eternal gift of our Catholic faith. We pray for the dead and their loved ones so that they may be in heaven and their family will be able to grieve their passing. We appreciate our own time and family. And, most importantly we remember to offer our sufferings for others and for our own salvation so that we may one day be able to meet our Lord face to face.
Let perpetual light shine upon Jill Costello O Lord, and may she rest in peace.

School's out for summer!!!

Yes, thank God we have completed another year of school. The boys (Stephen, Joseph, Thomas and Kieran) have all completed their final quarter tests a few weeks ago and they have received their report cards. Kieran will be doing some work on math over the summber to be prepared for Eighth grade Algebra in the fall. A little summer school work should be good. The girls are still working on their material for submition. Claire was in the hospital over the weekend because she had another surgery on June 24th. Claire is still trying to complete her school work and get everything for the freshmen year handed in so that she can enjoy the summer.
We hope to enjoy our time together this summer with family. We pray the next few weeks will be uneventful and peaceful.
God Bless you and thank you so much for your prayers.

A note from Nancy Mills - Ethan's Mom

Dear friends,

Just a quick note to let you know, if you haven't heard already..... Ethan passed away on Wednesday morning at 3 am. We (the whole family) were with him the whole way, and were privileged to take him to Heaven's gates. We sent him off with all our love.....

Ethan was peaceful and not afraid. He was not anxious ..... he was just.... Ethan..... such an amazing person. I was privileged to serve and care for him.

Mike and I cannot take credit for Ethan's unique perspective on life.... we wish we could....(I think I could make zillions of dollars if I could bottle just a tenth of what Ethan was about).

We also know that it's really not all about Ethan either......We could not have gotten through this epic journey without committed prayer warriors like yourself.

I must humbly admit; I was not consistant with my prayer life when all this started. I was far from what I would consider "being holy". But God let me know that "being holy" was exactly what he was asking of me.... He also gave me clear, distinct directions; they were to "Pray, Hope, & Don't Worry".

He also gave me all of you..... fighting cancer is a frighting, exhustating, and dismal thing to do.... there is NO WAY that we could have fought this battle without the body of Christ. I am a different person because of all of you.....you have taught me how to pray, introduced me to saints I didn't know existed, taught me how to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, taught me how to pray the Rosary with true reverence, encouraged me to keep on keepin' on....helped me to be the best mom I could be.... I could go on and on, but I am still so exhustated....

I want to thank you all again for all your generosity to our family over the past year.... in so many ways.... we felt loved and cared for..... still do....

We hope you can all come the Ethan's funeral and wake. The wake is this Friday, at OLMC church. 6-9 pm. The Funeral is Saturday at OLMC at 9:30 am. Please don't wear much black..... Ethan loved happy colors.....Come in your 'happy' clothes......

We decided against doing a reception, because after that 'phat' party.... there is just no way of topping that.....

I will never be able to repay your kindnesses, but I can promise, if you ever need prayers, you can count on me (and I also know a young man who would love to pray for you too)

With big, big love......

Nancy

You can check out Ethan's speech at his Big Phat Party at:
http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kYrwtc9jyg&feature=youtu.be




________________________________________

Kenpo Boys and John Mary

 

 

 

 

Here are the Shaoalin Kenpo Boys, Kieran, Thomas and Joseph. They have all earned their orange and white belt and they are working so hard to achieve their merit badges. John Mary is working hard as well to keep up with his brothers, he is now 6 months old and over twenty pounds. He is wearing the beret Claire wore in Lourdes. It looks really adorable on him, and it is amazing how very fast he is growing. What a blessing to have our family together.

Praise God!!! Claire is home!!!

Claire came home June 10th after spending over a month in the hospital. We are all so glad to have her home, what a blessing for our family to be together. She has had a rough time the last couple of days adjusting with medicines and pain, but prayerfully she is pulling through it. We ask for your prayers as well as we enjoy this time together as a family and respond to the grace of God. Thank you all so much for your kindness and generosity. We could not have gotten through this time without your help. May God continue to bless you with His grace because of your goodness

For the repose of the soul of Ethan Mills

Sadly, Ethan Mills passed away on June 9th. Joyfully, however, he was surrounded by his family and was at peace. This song, Pie Jesu sung by The Priests, is a wonderful piece of music that allows for mediation and reflection. It is a beautiful depiction of the sorrow and triumph of death. Please continue to pray for the repose of the soul of Ethan Mills and continue to pray for the Mills family who struggles so very much with the loss of Ethan.
God Bless.

Mur. C.

For those of you that text out there this abbreviation is immediately obvious, for me not so much. My husband pointed out that Mur. C. was on the outside of my daughter Claire's door to her hospital room. It is also the abbreviation they put on the bulletin board in ICU with the name of her nurse next to her name to inform the doctors and nurses on staff. This abbreviation means mercy, during this month of the Sacred Heart of Jesus this is what we seek and pray for. This abbreviation for Claire's name has probably been on the board or outside the door of her hospital room for years given all of her surgeries and hospital stays; but I noticed it now after the abbreviation had been written this way for years. I know it takes me awhile to pick up on things, and often I am just not paying attention enough to notice, and I needed the help of my husband to be able to see it. It could also be that I was not ready for what God ultimately would reveal to me in His time. I pray that through all of the struggles and sufferings that conversions happen and grace is received for all the intentions and needs that we pray for.
In addition, while in this month of the Immaculate Heart of Mary I was reading an article about the story of Jesus being found in the temple. This sorrow and joy of our Lady is depicted and written beautifully in the Gospel of Luke. Still, I did not truly understand it's richness until I read a deeper understanding of Mary's own words and the profound concern she expresses to God, her son. Mary, being human, questions Jesus the Son of God asking "why have you done this to us?" Don't we all do this?, or at least feel tempted to do so. "Lord, enough is enough already. Can't you make it stop?" Even Mary, being sinless, was concerned and questioned God's will.
The gospel goes on to explain that Mary told Jesus that she was filled with great anxiety as she and her husband Joseph searched for Him. The blessed Mother is the icon of the acceptance of the will of God. Her fiat allowed the incarnation to take place. She accepted God's will completely, yet she was still anxious. We may not always understand or completely lack worry over our valley of tears in this life. And, as the bible illustrates we are not alone in our anxiousness and worry.
Finally, Jesus tells His mother and foster father Joseph "why were you looking for me, did you not know I must be about my Father's business." Jesus tells them not to worry, and the passage of Luke goes onto explain "they did not understand what He said to them... and His mother kept all these things in her heart." This was all becoming more clear to me enabling me to answer my own dry fellings in prayer. This article explained my feelings of abandonement, my looking and praying to God and finding emptiness. We may not truly understand the will of the Father in our daily lives. Yet, by keeping these things in our heart and fully placing trust in the Lord we can try to imitate Mary's total "yes" to the Lord. Sure we question the purpose of all of it, we may be anxious, and we certainly may not understand everything that we are called to do. We still must persevere in faith, and trust in the Lord. We pray for God's mercy.
We appreciate your prayers for Mur. C.
May the Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary remain with you always. Amen

Maybe... and then again maybe not...

Claire is in surgery right now, Friday June 4th at 2:00 p.m., the nuerosurgeon felt that she needed to have another correction done to the shunt in her spine. We hope this is it and I believe the surgeon hopes for an end as well, we pray for an end, for a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you all for your prayers. We do appreciate them. I recently heard and was reminded about my need to "surrender." Why do I fight?, why do I plan?, why don't I trust? I sit here and remember all of God's blessings and thank him for all of His gifts and the strength he has given me and the family. I try to let go and let God, but usually it is easier to pay lip service rather than to put it into practice. I am thankful that I went to mass today. I can no longer take for granted the opportunity to attend daily mass, when there is no longer an opportunity to go I am much more appreciative of this gift of mass than ever before. While waiting for Claire two Knights of the Order of Malta came to visit Claire and instead spent time with me and gave me some of the history of the Order. Again, I thanked God for His gift of coming to me, being with me in the people and opportunities that are a part of my life. I can no longer get wrapped up in self pity. Our Lord is present and so generous, and I am so blessed to be on the receiving end in whatever capapcity He chooses to give. I need to get better at receiving, and I ask our Lady to pray for me to grow in that area and to watch over my family.
Our Lady of Philermo, pray for us.