What a year this has been for the Murray's. We have had many struggles and endured much. We have had a loss of income, a loss of a child (a miscarriage), a loss of better health for Claire, a loss for a college student, Matthew was not able to return to UD, and a loss of security especially within our marriage. Through all of this I tried to maintain control. I wanted to fix everything in the best way I could because, of course, I know best. And, suffering and struggle... they were never in my plans for how to fix things. Rather, my ideas included outside improvements with very little effort made from me. God would have to fix everything.
Looking back now, what would I have gained from very little effort- void of suffering? Probably more vanity and pride. Not until I submitted, and I mean totally, and let go of my will to completely accept His will was their peace. I gained some humility (I am always working on that), something I had been praying for but certainly could not have until I was open to see my loss of control and a more Supreme plan. This school of humility was painful, but I am blessed to have been given the opportunity to grow outside myself and submit.
I am very grateful to my husband and family for their patience with me during this learning process of letting go of my own thoughts of control and submitting to His will, and I am so very thankful to God for His patience with me as I continue to learn.
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